Lessons Learned In the Hositial

I was in the hospital for 4 days and 3 nights because of something that can happen with Turner Syndrome. We still do not know why it happened. I take my treatments religiously because I know this can happen if you are not consistent with your treatment regimen. I kept blaming myself- until I got home and checked the situation, and saw I was consistent with everything- just as I had thought. There is NO explanation to what happened.

On Thursday morning, I woke up in complete medical distress. I could not stop moaning and could not stop crying. When I saw my mother for the first time that day, I grabbed onto her and moaning, all I could say was "Help me!!!!!" She told me to message my Dr, but I told her this is not one of those situations but that I need to get to the emergency room right away. I had seen post on Facebook from other ladies in the past who had this happen to them, so I know what to do and the protocol to recovery. 

I have learned lately, that you can learn about God and see God in every situation- if you look it to. There were some God-sightings for sure though-out this experience. 

1) I had an appointment with my hand surgeon that morning... the lady who got me scheduled for my CT-Scan, looked at me and my mom told her I was very sick, and she was taking me to the ER. She told her to take me to the Advance Urgent Care onsite and they could transport via ambulance. At Urgent Care, they took my vitals immediately and my blood pressure was dangerously low, and my heart was racing. Once they connected me to the IV, my BP improved almost immediately, and my heart rate settled. They called for the ambulance, and I was transported across the street. When we got there, they were stunned to find me already connected to an IV because "they never do that!" Who knows what could have happened if I wasn't connected to an IV right away?!!! It was MIRACLE. 

2). I learned that I have a major influence in my family! On Friday, I just started crying and telling my Mom, "I need my baby!" She asked me to text my sister-in-law to see if they could come down on Sunday. She texed me back within 30 minutes and told me my brother had to work, but they would be on their way as soon as he gets off! My time in the hospital brought my whole family together! I couldn't have asked for anything more!!! 

3) Most of the Dr's knew Turner Syndrome at the hospital. My Dr after I was admitted knows someone with TS! This made everything so much less traumatic. This was really blessing and when I had to advocate for myself, they did listen to me. 

4) I had a LOT of visitors and was prayed over. I can't say how much that meant to be. It showed me how much people do care about me. I tend to think that I don’t matter, and I have nothing to offer people so when I had people come into visit me it told me, I was loved, and I do have something to offer. Their visits meant the world to me, and I will NEVER forget those wonderful people. I learned God knows exactly what we need, and He will work to the ends of the Earth to provide it for us. They wanted me transferred to another, but I had been transferred it would have been a lot harder for me have visitors because of the location. Where they did send was convenient for people, so I was visited. My mom told them not to send me where they wanted to because it would be too far away. She fought for the best hospital that didn't make it impossible for them and other visitors to come and comfort me. 

5) On Saturday night, I was depressed. I hated my body and I hate myself. I was tired of everything must be a struggle for me - my health, finding a good job, making social connections. All I could do was cry out to God and said, "I need you!" and He came. He told me He was with me and everything is going to be OK. I learned sometimes, all we may able us is "Jesus, I need you!" or as I told to my mom moaning "Help me!!!!!" 

6) I tend to put work ahead of everything and sadly it can be idol to me. When I was in the hospital and even now (I can't go back to work on Wednesday), that my physical, mental and spiritual health are the most importand thing and work is secondary. It woke me up and helped me reshift my priorioties. Seeing new blood transfered into my system and getting 5 blood transfusions, I learned the very fragility of life. I was told at discharge, I had lost blood that I basically had whole new blood in my system. 

Find Your Voice

 If you are like me, confrontation is hard. Speaking up in general is challenging. You keep wondering if what you have to say matters. You wonder if you have anything to contribute. You wonder if your feelings matter. You wonder if what you have to say is important. Well, I am here to tell you have a voice! It is important! You must use it! Why? Well, God has given each of us a message only we can say. Even people who are non-verbal have a voice! They talk through adaptative technology, PEC Cards, and body language. Just because they cannot talk verbally, doesn't mean they can't talk! It only means the way they communicate is different than ours and that is alright! Since we have established that every human has voice, we can establish the fact that if we do not use the individual voice God has given us, that we are not able to be all God made us to be. 

For some of us, we may find we find a way to communicate in a way other than words that is easier and more comfortable for us! People communicate in painting and other art mediums, music, writing and many other ways. If you are more comfortable with this don't be afraid to use it! As a matter of fact, I encourage you to use it regularly. The more you communicate in the way that is most comfortable for you, the easier it will be. I prefer to communicate through writing. I remember when I was a teenager, when my mother and I would have a fight, after we calmed down, I wrote out a letter to her apologizing and what I was really feeling. These letters made things a lot better for my mother and me. I was able to communicate to her in a way that was the most comfortable for me. My therapist recommended recently that because of my anxiety, when I need to talk to my boss about something, to write it out and put in the office. I have done this sometimes and it has really helped, and I have never questioned why I put it in writing and did not say it verbally. If I am asked, I would say that because of anxiety, it is easier for me to initiate some communication through writing before it is verbally discussed. Anxiety is major mental health issue, and a lot of people deal with it so any employer would need to understand and cannot discriminate because of it. 

I hope this encourages you. I hope you feel better that you can communicate in many ways outside of words. When we do not use our "voice", the world misses out on who God made us individually to be. I know it is scary. I know it can be hard to trust people when we have been so hurt in the past!!! I have beat that drum and I know what is like! I have learned that if you don't past it, we are not giving people in our life right now a chance. It is not fair to them or to us. We need to learn our way to communicate like I stated above and when we should respond. For example, I learned I cannot talk to people in moments of anxiety, and I need to cool down first. Once I cool down, I can communicate from a less emotional state of mind. When I talk it becomes more based on facts then emotional. 

You have a voice. You are important! You have something to offer! Your feelings matter!! If you think anything less, they are from the Devil himself! Do not let him win!!!!