Serving is Healing

When I was in 8th grade, I went through an extremely dark period in my life. After I turned 14 at the end of 7th grade, my oldest brother Matthew had just graduated from college. He proposed to his college girlfriend the day after my 14th birthday. The Tuesday after their graduation she broke off the engagement. She blamed our mother and I for the breakup. She said very harsh words against us. During that summer in 2003, my entire personality changed. I stopped writing. I wrote a lot before then. I turned my back on God. I became extremely suicidal and depressed. I behaved horribly because I had so much anger. I would draw a picture of a stick person and would draw lines going out from the stick person. I would write words like "mistake" and trash." This was how I expressed my emotions to my parents about how I saw myself.

I started 8th grade and a few weeks afterwards the seizures and tics started. My depression and suicidal thoughts also become more severe. I had a Special Education teacher that year who happened to be a Christian. She had my brother previously and knew my parents. She knew I was being raised in a Christian home. Despite it being a public school, she prayed for me when we were in the classroom alone together. She would tell me that God had a plan for my life and  He was going to use me. I can still hear her saying "Kick Satan in the butt!" She told me that God was going to use  what I was going through. She would remind me of Jeremiah 29:11 that reads "For I know the plans I have for you." declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.

She had the gift of discernment and knew I needed to actually see what she was talking about- that I needed to tangibly see God using me and His plan for me. Early into the school year, she talked to the teachers in the Daily Living Skills class for children with severe disabilities. She asked them if I could help out in their classroom on a regular basis. I would see them in the mornings before school when I went to school in the morning (I was unable to handle a full day of school). I helped them out on field trips, took some of them to the cafeteria to get their lunches and helped them bring it back to their classroom. I would have lunch with them everyday. I remember my time in that classroom and how much it helped me see that there a purpose for my life. I helped the teachers with the kids but I got so much more out of being in that classroom then I probably gave. I found my purpose in life and that was to help kids with disabilities. I did not stop working with them after I went on High School. continued to hang out them and have lunch with them. I remained a part of the community and it changed my life forever. I was able to heal because I was given the opportunity to serves these kids and their teachers and truly make an impact. These were the kids that were often ignored but I was able to connect to them. I was able to see beyond my own pain and think about others and although I was still depressed and suicidal I was able to hang out that lifeline and it saved my life.

My time in their classroom actually lead to the major I I chose and the career that I love- Early Childhood Development and Education. Yes, these kids  were not early childhood but I was able to think about a career in education because of my time with them. I decided in 8th grade by working with them that I wanted to a Preschool teacher. I want to work with children like them but at a much younger age before they begin school. I want to work in an inclusive classroom where they are taught with their typically developing in a way that is appropriate for them. I want to work with their parents and guide them through the Special Education process. I want to tell them my story and give them hope if they want to hear it. I was once in a preschool classroom like that- as a Special Needs student. I want to give them hope for their children and learn that a diagnoses is only a diagnosis. It is such a small part of their child.

Serving and thinking of others is truly one of the best cures for depression. If I hadn't been able to spend time with those kids everyday I would have missed out on knowing what it is I am suppose to do! We get so caught up in how we are feel that we forget that there are other people going through things that are much more challenging. When we serve them, we feel better and we find our true healing. Serving those kids in 8th grade and High School was what healed me.

What People with Mental Illness Want You to Know

One in five Americans suffer from mental illness each year. I am one of them. I have been formally diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Clinical Depression. I have been on an anti-depressant ever since I was 14 and have never stopped being one. There are so many different forms of mental illness. Without going into too much detail about what they are and all they mean for people, we will sorely be focusing on things I find that people with mental illness want you to know.

Mental illness IS an illness 

People do not see mental illness the same way that they see physical illness. We need to proper treatment for our mental illness just like we would what need care if we had the flu. It affects how we function. Some of us cannot work. Some of us find it hard to leave the house. Some of us are homeless and cannot afford the help we need to get our life on track. Mental health services need to be increased and be made affordable to everyone person who needs one. 

When we start to look better doesn't mean we are cured. 

Mental illnesses like depression and anxiety come and go. We can relapse easily. We don't get this way to get attention. If we could take away our depression and anxiety we would do it an a heartbeat

We need time 

Sometimes we just need time and patience from the people in our life. We need time to process things. If we are withdrawn, make yourself available but don't make us talk before we are ready. Sometimes it can take a few weeks to tell someone we love what is bothering us. Respect that. I should also add, if you notice major behavioral changes or think we could inflict harm on ourselves, get us help. Don't run away from us. You can tell whether we just need time to process things before opening up or if something is really wrong. Use your best judgement. 

We feel alone

Dealing with any mental illness is isolating no matter how many friends we have or how much love our families shower on us. Doing little things like sending a care package can help us know that we are not alone. Invite us to go somewhere! Get us out of the house! Give us something we can look forward to. You may not understand us, but you can do small tangible things that show us you care. 

Sometimes we just need to talk. 

Sometimes we just need to talk. We don't need to be corrected or critiqued. Sometimes we don't want advice. Sometimes advice can be the worst thing for us. Sometimes you need to just listen. You can usually tell when we are not in the mood for advice and just looking for a listening ear. 

Being told "just snap out of it" doesn't work. 

We cannot simply snap out of it. It only makes it worse. As stated before, we need time. Our brains are physically different and it may take us longer to process things. We may act immaturely because we don't know how to cope. Don't let that ruin your impression of us. Learn to love us unconditionally be patient. If we act immature, it is not a reflection of who we really are inside.

Daniel And The Lions Den

Many of us have heard the story of Daniel and the Lion's Den. It is a story we were taught in Sunday School and at VBS. Children are usually taught Daniel and The Lion's in relation to not being afraid because God is with us. We know that story so well that we seldom come back to it as adults. Today, we are going to use this story in our discussion about trusting God.

Our story is found in Daniel: Chapter 6. King Darius splits the kingdom into 120 provinces. He appoints a high officer for every province. He also appoints Daniel and 2 other administrators to oversee the high officers and to protect the King's interest. The other 2 administrators and the high officers try to find wrongdoing on the part of Daniel. They find him to blameless. He is faithful, responsible and trustworthy. They see that the only way to accuse him of any wrongdoing would be on the grounds of religion. They approach King Darius and tell him they all agree that no one should pray to anyone but King Darius for a month. If anyone is found to be  praying to anyone other the King, then they would have to be thrown into the Lion's Den. Daniel finds out about decree but still prayed at his house 3 times everyday. The other 2 administrators and high officers go to his house and find him praying, Much to the dismay of King Darius, Daniel was thrown into to the Lion's Den. The next morning, King Darius goes back to the Lion's Den to check on Daniel. He is shocked when Daniel responds to him and comes out of the den without so much as a scratch! King Darius then signs a decree that one could pray to anyone or anything expect the God of Daniel. The God that saved Daniel from the lions.

Daniel trusted God. He knew what would have  happened if he was found praying but he kept praying to his God. It takes an amazing about faith to keep praying if you knew you could be dinner for the lions if you were caught! We all have Lion's Den type situations. We become afraid. We don't know what do and if we will come out unscathed. We are given choices everyday to rely or not rely on God to be enough. It is really hard for me to trust God with the faith of Daniel! I am getting ready to graduate from college in December and after that I have no idea of what is going happen! I don't know where I am going to live and work. It is very scary and overwhelming. You may be dealing with a similar situation or you may have a completely different situation in which is hard to trust God with a Daniel like faith. We are given a choice. We can choose to trust God whether we know the outcome like Daniel did or do not know the outcome. We can choose to live by our own understanding and try to do things our own way or we can trust a God who already knows that outcome and is there for us. Which choice do you make?

Be A Clique- Breaker: Part 2 Difficult People

If you haven't read the previous post, please read that before reading this post. At the end of the previous post, I mentioned how including difficult people into a social group can be challenging. We all have flaws and things about us that can make us challenging. We all have good days and bad days. Today we are going to discuss including difficult people and setting healthy boundaries. I am going to using online research to lead our discussion. Links to the websites used and citations are at the bottom.

I think before we go any further, it is best we begin by defining what a difficult person actually is. Van  Edwards (2014) found that there are four different types of difficult people. They are downers, better than, passives and tanks. Downers are always have something negative to say about everything.  Better than people try to impress you and make comparisons. Passives are people who don't contribute much to the conversation and let others do that hard work. Tanks are people who need to have everything their own way and will do anything to have it.

In 2013, Psychology Today put together an article called Ten Keys To Handling Unreasonable and Difficult People written by Preston Ni M.S.B.A. I am not going to go into all ten keys but the link the website is on the bottom. I will hit on some points. It is important to maintain self-control. Maintain your composure to be less reactive. Before responding, focus on taking deep breaths. If needed, take a time-out and deal with the situation later. Do not try to change or convince a difficult person (Ni, 2013). Try to keep your distance from them. Be proactive instead of reactive. Come up with various ways to view a situation before reacting (Ni, 2013). Avoid personalizing and try to view the person and situation more objectively. A way to do this is trying to understand things from the other person's point of view. Pick your battles and think about whether the issue is really important in the scheme of things.

You do not have to include people who you have tried to work things out but it was it not well received one way or another. Every person should know what the boundaries are and what the consequences are if they go outside the boundaries. We all need people who build us up. We need people who are willing to compromise and do what is best for everyone. Sadly, some people have a hard time with that. If the person effects the atmosphere of everything you do together in a negative way it is time to revisit what is best for the group. The important thing is that it is done with compassion and integrity.

I hope this has helped you.

Edwards, V. V. (March , 28 2014). 4 Types of Difficult People and How to Deal . Retrieved from Science Of People .

M.S.B.A., P. N. (2013, September 2 ). Ten Keys to Handling Unreasonable & Difficult People. Retrieved from Psychology Today .

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201309/ten-keys-handling-unreasonable-difficult-people

http://www.scienceofpeople.com/2014/03/4-types-difficult-people-deal/

Be A Clique- Breaker

Welcome back, friends! I hope this post finds you doing well and enjoying the last part of summer. Soon we will be in hoodies and leaves will be falling down. Children are already going back to school. In Middle School and High School, kids start identifying with a group of people. They hesitate to let other kids into their social groups. People usually see cliques as something only known to teenagers, but sadly cliques go with us way into adulthood. Today we are going to about cliques and how we can be compassionate and include other people.

Without going into to much information, I have been a victim of a clique. In my early 20's I hung out with a group of friends who were much older then me and took me under their wings. They were wonderful, caring and I trusted them- something that is hard for me. However, the further we got into our friendship the more I put into situations that I was not comfortable and couldn't have avoided. I was raised in a Christian home. I was kinda naive when it came to adult terms. I was only 21 and had not been exposed certain things and didn't know how to react. My parents never sat down with my brothers and I because we were great kids and we knew the difference from right and wrong. The more I was exposed to this lifestyle, the more I didn't want a part of it. To make a long story short, they have cut me out of their social circle and it has been that way since 2011. I know looking back things could have been different. I could have been their friends but not take part in the activities that made me uncomfortable. I tried to reconcile and repair what we had with no success. It breaks my heart.

Being left-out hurts! Today, it hurts even more then a past. On Facebook you can see people in your area and wonder why you were left off. You might not know that you hurt someday by doing something so seamlessly innocent. What can we do to be inclusive? First, you may need to get out of your comfort zone and talk to someone you don't know. They may want to be your friend and do things with your friends but you don't realize it. Be open-minded ! If someone doesn't want to do something don't cut them out! Make compromises! Do things they would like to be a part of! If there is someone you haven't talked to a while- text them or call them! Let them know you are thinking of them! As a group, think of ways you can include other people. Learn what each person likes and dislikes! Learn their talents! Everyone has something to offer! This is what makes humanity so beautiful! Accept each other's diffCerences and quirks. See past the flaws and see the heart.



Courtesy: howstuffworks.com


My next blog will be about what do with difficult people and about setting boundaries. Being inclusive does not mean you have to put up with certain behaviors or difficult people after you have done everything to include them.