Sunday, September 29, 2024

Being David in a Goliath World

When I was child, my favorite Bible Story was David and Goliath. I could relate to David on so many levels and I still relate to him to this day! As a child of the 90's, VeggieTales was my thing, and my favorite one was "Dave and Giant Pickle” and my favorite scene was when Dave sang "Why can't little guys do big things to?" As a little girl needing a shot every night to help me grow, this song made me so excited!

Despite nightly shots from 7 to 14-years old, at 4"8, I am the average height for a woman with TS who has NOT been treated with growth hormone therapy. Unfortunately, this has led to some discrimination when it comes to looking and keeping a job. I must work a lot harder to sell myself to potential employers during face-to-face interviews. The last 2 jobs I was offered were phone interviews and that helped me greatly. I was literally offered the job in less than 10 minutes! I have not had the same success with face-to-face interviews. I do not why because I interview very well. It is just people do not seem willing to give me the chance. I know this is a very common problem for my sisters as this is an issue discussed at every conference. 

I am learning that like David, I can't let these issues stand in my way. I must confront them and keep going despite of it. Is it frustrating? TOTALLY! Is it worth it? 100%! Like David, when I go into anything like a job interview or even meeting new people, I must suit up! I must know who I am, and God is, before going into those battles or I would just run away. One of the biggest tools in my arsenal is my words and vocabulary! I am very linguist and real wordsmith. I love words! I use this love of words to help people see me for my age. I don't come off as a show-off because this who I am, and it is natural. I do not put on a show with my words, but it helps me navigate social situations and for people to take me seriously. It levels the social playing-field. 

There are all things that make us different. We all have challenges like David and just like David, God gives the tools to overcome these challenges for His glory. God has given us His word. He has given us His strength. We need to learn like just David did, how to not let past labels dictate who we are today. These can be labels we give ourselves, through a diagnosis, and other people. We need to remind ourselves daily that we are not defined by those labels. Once we define who Who's we are, and what we are, we are ready for battle! 




Monday, September 23, 2024

In Our Weakness

2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

What are you going through right now? Do you feel weak- physically and emotionally? Perhaps, you may feel a little bit both! I am going through a rough patch physically because of Turner Syndrome. Well, it is a consolation to know I am not alone, and other sisters have gone through this, it is very hard to know, that it happened much older for them. So, here I am 35, and having to think about things no 35 y/o should have to think about it. I get scared! Mornings are the hardest for me right now because of the amenia and I can very moody just because I don't feel good most of the time! To add to this, my treatment plan has been tweaked and while I am much more stable, it is hard to know if it is because of the change made. Sometimes, I also wonder if my moodiness is because of the change in my treatment plan. I do think the change is temporary, but I am not sure about that. 

There have been times during my time in the hospital, and since I got home where I will literally cry out to God to help me. Moments when everything seems to much to much and I am tired. Where I feel at the end of myself. Some days all I can do is keep going. I know I must keep as much normalcy as possibly even when I don't feel good at all. If I didn't push myself (not too much), I would be more depressed and anxious. I do know my body and if it tells me something, I will listen but so far, I don't feel the need to make any changes. 

Despite everything, I do see God working things out for in me in other ways. Before I got sick, I really couldn't see what God WAS doing for me and that He was interceding on my behalf. Now, I can see it and am able to appreciate it. I can trust God a lot more, even though somethings it is still struggle. While sometimes, I still think "it's all on me," more and more often I realize that is not this case because I can see God going before me and working things out and that is what keeps me going. 

So, no matter what you are through, know you are strongest in your weakness. Use this for your advantage! Try and see the big picture. If things are not going well for you in one way, look at how well things are going in another area! Make a daily effort to look for ways God is working in your life. This will help you feel calmer and more centered because you starting to see God work in ways you did not see before. 

Sunday, September 1, 2024

On Unanswerable Questions

There are questions, we all want answers to. These are questions that can weigh you down and keep you up at night. These questions go way deeper than "What's for dinner." These are questions about things that have caused us great pain.

Let me tell you mine. My question is "Why did my sister have to pass away and why did I get to live?" My sister had a severe congenital heart defect (CHD). She was born in July 1982 and passed away December 1982. When my mom was pregnant with me, they did not know I was fighting for my life and only have a 2% chance of being born alive. When I was born and it was discovered I was a girl, because of my sister, my heart was checked immediately. It was completely fine. This is amazing because heart defects are one of the causes of the 98% high mortality rate during the pregnancy of someone with Turner Syndrome. This makes my question even so much stronger! In my darkest moments, I do think it should have been and not my sister. Sometimes I think she would have been the better daughter, sister, and Aunt to little Zachary. Sometimes, I feel God could have used her a lot more than me. Sometimes, I think she could have done so much better in life, gone far farther, achieved more if she had the opportunity. 

I know my questions are normal, I know "Survivor's guilt" is a very real thing. I can give myself grace in those moments. The thing that gets me through those times is the promise that one day this question be answered. One day, I will understand. One day, I will meet my sister and we’re able to all the things sisters do this side of heaven and more! 

Things happens that we simply will not be too able to have an answer to this side of heaven. Parents’ divorce, kids develop cancer and pass away, a drunk driver can take the life of 2 brothers the night before their sister's wedding. These are just some examples. What we need to remember though is we live in a fallen world. God did not say this life would easy or that there would be freedom from tragedy. He did promise us peace. He promised to never leave us or forsake us. He promised us a day when there would be no more tears or pain. 

My Uncle passed away very unexpectedly the beginning of the year. When we saw him for the last time last December, he could not stop talking about heaven. At his funeral, we played a song about heaven and now every time I hear it, I cannot help but think of him. The song is called Hymn of Heaven by Phil Wickham My Uncle did not go to church. He was an outdoors man, and very much a reader. He loved the living in the woods. When my mom offered to help move him closer to us, he said "I need my woods." He knew His God. He knew the Bible inside and out. Listen to the song below, and worship Him and know that one day, your questions will be answered, and pain and tears will be no more! Praise God!