There are questions, we all want answers to. These are questions that can weigh you down and keep you up at night. These questions go way deeper than "What's for dinner." These are questions about things that have caused us great pain.
Let me tell you mine. My question is "Why did my sister have to pass away and why did I get to live?" My sister had a severe congenital heart defect (CHD). She was born in July 1982 and passed away December 1982. When my mom was pregnant with me, they did not know I was fighting for my life and only have a 2% chance of being born alive. When I was born and it was discovered I was a girl, because of my sister, my heart was checked immediately. It was completely fine. This is amazing because heart defects are one of the causes of the 98% high mortality rate during the pregnancy of someone with Turner Syndrome. This makes my question even so much stronger! In my darkest moments, I do think it should have been and not my sister. Sometimes I think she would have been the better daughter, sister, and Aunt to little Zachary. Sometimes, I feel God could have used her a lot more than me. Sometimes, I think she could have done so much better in life, gone far farther, achieved more if she had the opportunity.
I know my questions are normal, I know "Survivor's guilt" is a very real thing. I can give myself grace in those moments. The thing that gets me through those times is the promise that one day this question be answered. One day, I will understand. One day, I will meet my sister and we’re able to all the things sisters do this side of heaven and more!
Things happens that we simply will not be too able to have an answer to this side of heaven. Parents’ divorce, kids develop cancer and pass away, a drunk driver can take the life of 2 brothers the night before their sister's wedding. These are just some examples. What we need to remember though is we live in a fallen world. God did not say this life would easy or that there would be freedom from tragedy. He did promise us peace. He promised to never leave us or forsake us. He promised us a day when there would be no more tears or pain.
My Uncle passed away very unexpectedly the beginning of the year. When we saw him for the last time last December, he could not stop talking about heaven. At his funeral, we played a song about heaven and now every time I hear it, I cannot help but think of him. The song is called Hymn of Heaven by Phil Wickham My Uncle did not go to church. He was an outdoors man, and very much a reader. He loved the living in the woods. When my mom offered to help move him closer to us, he said "I need my woods." He knew His God. He knew the Bible inside and out. Listen to the song below, and worship Him and know that one day, your questions will be answered, and pain and tears will be no more! Praise God!
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