The Lord of the (Signet) Ring

Today I am going to write about one of my favorite parts of the book Defined by Alex and Stephen Kendrick. I'll be quoting from Chapter 21- You Have the Strengthening of the Holy Spirit and Chapter 19- You Have Resources and a Rich Inheritance from Your Father.  

I will be using quotes right of the bat to set the context and then expend on it. I will start with a verse though they used it the book. "You are "sealed in him (in Christ) with the promised Holy Spirit" (Eph 1:13. "You are sealed by him for the day of redemption" (Eph 4:30)."

Why is this significant? That's the best part! "The imagery here is both strong and beautiful. The "seal" in ancient cultures was a visible sign that guaranteed a person's chosen action or agreement. Often applied with the signet ring or similar instrument, the seal meant that the contents of a document and whatever it ordered must be carried out regardless. The seal made it irrevocable."

"In a similar fashion, we have been "sealed" by the Holy Spirit "until the redemption of the possession" (Eph 3:14). God "put his seal on us and giving us the Spirit that is our future inheritance in heaven. (2 Cor 1:22)."

"It means that everything God has promised you is really going to happen"

As God's children, we have His inheritance. Jumping back to Chapter 19 they talk about what it means to be coheirs with God.  "To be coheirs, however, would mean all 5 children own all five acres jointly. Or another example: if a husband and wife maintain a joint banking account, he doesn't own half and also she owe half. Both of them own it all.

"Your right to inheritance- because you're now a blessed and beloved child of God- is the same as the Son's right of inheritance"

We are sealed with God. We may not have signet ring on our finger but that doesn't mean we aren't wearing one! Being one with God means that EVERYTHING that He has, we also have- just because we're His child. This has been hard for me to wrap my head around. We keep searching for things in this life that will only lead us to destruction- love of money, comparing ourselves to others, coveting what other people have. I can say I have done all of them. I worry about having money to be on my own a lot. I compare myself to others and then I feel small and inadequate. When I covet what other people have, I become blind to what I do have.

This is not how it is meant to be. If we have asked Jesus into our hearts, His inheritance is OUR inheritance! We are children of God! We can crawl up to Daddy's laps and rest in Him. We have everything we need because of our inheritance in Him! It is hard to understand this! It is hard not to worry about things and get in thought patterns that simply do not fall into our new identity. I will share you some things I have learned about mindfulness and put a spiritual aspect to them. I use the Calm app and it has REALLY benefited me and I have been able to apply what I learn into a spiritual point of view fairly easily. For now, I want you to know that it is possible even if it hard and goes against our human nature.

Remember that YOU are SEALED with God by a document that cannot be amended or torn. Think about what having His inheritance means for you! Do you believe this? How would your thoughts and days be different? How would it change your relationship with God? How would it change your prayer life? Your church life? These are questions I need to ask myself to! We have such a powerful inheritance which we did nothing to deserve or earn.
                                           
       

Amazing You

I have not written in a long time because it was hard for me to. Sometimes I feel l like what I have to say does not matter, that people wouldn't want to hear what I have to say, that it is just not important. I know I cannot let fear or anything else keep from doing what I want to do, saying what I want to say. It is not easy. In fact, I almost didn't write this but here I am and here it goes. Hopefully what I say in this blog entry (and other entries) will be a blessing to you. I am very shy so hopefully this helps me to and getting rid of some of fears. I know I have a talent for writing and I want to use it! So.. let's begin!

I recently read a book called Defined: Who God Says You Are by Alex and Stephen Kendrick. They are the creators of such Christian movies such as Fireproof, Courageous, and most recently Overcomer.  This book is ABSOLUTELY amazing and the best book I have found on this topic.

I have tended to put my identity on the wrong things! I put them on my job, what my bosses and co-workers think of me, what my family thinks of me and more. I wouldn't accept certain things about myself. In the book I learned that "Only your God, the one who made you, the One who redeemed you has the perfect knowledge, full ownership, and absolute authority to define who you are and what He's created you to become. You are who He says you are. Period. And the sooner you can discover that and find out what He says, the better off you will be." I also learned "Our identity and being can only be found in Him."

So how did He make us? "To claim you're a result of a mere time and chance is laughable and ludicrous. It's like believing that the most complex computer in the world could be accidentally design itself, wire its own circuitry board by chance, plug itself in, haphazardly create a digital language code that enables it to communicate, then write all the code for it's operating system, and unintentionally survive and reproduce itself successfully for thousands of generations. Not a chance"  We were made wonderfully complex (see Psalm 139: 13-14). We  are unique! "Expecting God to make two people exactly the same would be like asking Mozart to rewrite the same symphony, line for line, note for note. Why would he do that? That work had already been done. Only something refreshingly new will do. Your distinctive image, your wonder uniqueness, your irreplaceability, makes you incredibly valuable... a walking miracle."

 Do you believe this about you? Where do you place your identity? Does where I've placed my identity ring a bell with you or is it somewhere else?

I will be using this book more to help steer us in a good direction. In other words, we are NEEDED, IMPORTANT, MIRACLES, and IRREPLACEABLE. We are so much more then this and I will delve into that later but this kinda lays the groundwork for us. I've learned reading this  book, that true peace can only come God and in who He says I am, I also am STILL learning that because He made me, that I can trust Him completely. This is a concept that is I am still working through but the foundation is there where it was not before.

I hope this blesses you, and I hope you know how uncomfortable it was for me to do but I did it. It was hard... I won't lie. If I can do uncomfortable things and take risk so can you!


All quotes taking from Defined: Who God Says You Are by Alex and Stephen Kendrick.

The Journey

This is going to be extremely hard on me because I am very shy and shut down talking about certain things. My faith is one of them. Very gradually I am working on it. Long story short-  I'm going to be baptized on Easter Sunday. One of the things the Pastor I meant with wanted me to do was basically write out my journey well reassuring me I have to say little to nothing when I'm baptized.

So, I grew up in a very devout Christian home. I was baptized as a baby (where my parents basically stated publicly they'd raise me up in church and lead me into a personal relationship with Jesus). Anyway, one of the HUGE issues for me is not knowing when I was initially saved! I know it had to be before I was baptized when I was 8 year old. When I meant with my Pastor with my mother sitting beside my Pastor asked me why I wanted to be baptized. Now, I am pretty embarrassed to say it but I answered "I want to go swimming!" He had to explain to baptism is. I told this to the Pastor I meant with last month and she explained to me that as an 8 year old that is a common reaction. It also means I was NOT ready to be baptized and probably shouldn't have been. Also, the fact that I have no memories of actually being baptized is a sign I wasn't ready. She told me baptism isn't recommended for anyone under 10.

As a teenager and young adult, there was just this huge void that I can't really explain. Not knowing when I was first saved or having any memories of it. Not having any memories of my baptism. I remember as a child my faith was so strong and connected that that most important piece of the puzzle blended in with everything else. Everyone around me seemed to remember "that moment" in their lives of being saved. Everyone has such special memories of their baptism. For me, as a high school student and young adult, this void was found no more profound then at baptism services. It was like I was missing out on something.

These two things negatively impacted me spiritually. I couldn't believe what the Bible said about me because I didn't know when I was first saved. I was like "Am I really a child of God? I don't remember anything!" I don't even remember the conversation with Mom telling her or telling anyone!

In 2013, my best friend at church moved with her family 45 minutes away. Things as church started to change negatively for me. When she left, I still had my Young Adult Sunday class for a while and that was good. I think they tried to make me included. After awhile, the group dissolved and there was literally no where for me to go. I attended a different SS class but there were a lot of older people and they were wonderful but I couldn't get really anything out of the lessons because it was way over my head. In 2015,  we got a new Pastor and while he is an amazing guy who truly cared about me but the sermons didn't really speak to where I needed. People started ignoring me and I'd end up along  sitting in the lobby just waiting to go home! Sunday mornings were the loneliest time of the week.

My mom sensed enough of a change that she reached out to another mom who's daughter was going through the same thing. She said her daughter just couldn't do it anymore and left. She started doing her own thing at home and was doing better than she had in a long time. My mother talked to me about this and I immediately started to cry. I knew what she was saying. She was letting me go and find my own way. I started staying home from church and watched church services online and I was happier and relaxed and was growing for the first time in several years. We knew it was a band-aid fix though.

My mother probably did the kindest thing for me when after several weeks of home churching she took me to Meadow Park Church of God in June 2017 just to see how I liked it. It was close enough to my former church it wouldn't cause any problems if I found that it was what I needed. My first Sunday there was also the first Sunday of the new Lead Pastor! His sermon was something that spoke directly where I was and he had started a new sermon series called "Fresh Start." I can't really explain but I came out of church that first Sunday actually EXCITED!!! Long story short- I have been there ever since.

Unfortunately- the void and the questions followed me. I was so damaged by my old church and the personal void and questions that I didn't even notice "it!" I didn't notice I had totally turned back on
God to the point of not having a relationship with Him. I was in Church and I was technically growing but I was kinda on a hamster wheel. There was still the void every baptism. The questions. The emptiness. The self-loathing. The fear. The anxiety,

What made me realize all this was my Pastor's sermon series on The Prodigal Son in Luke 15 during Christmastime. It wasn't until then how deep and far the damage went. On New Year's Day I get on facebook and saw something that changed everything! A lady I had been just started talking to the month before was tragically killed in a car accident on her way home from church on New Year's Eve! People were sharing all their memories and stories about her faith. I realized it was not exactly what people would say about me. I'll very simply say that I got right with God that day- and wasn't going through the motions. I sincerely meant it,

I've taken steps backwards but I think overall I am more at peace then I was before. I may never have those answers but I have NEW answers and the void and the questions and doubts are still there! I still get scared and worry more then I should but it is NO WHERE to the degree it was as before. I still have some days when I think "I hate myself" but those are also decreasing.

I still sometimes worry about not having those "first" memories. When I was first saved and when I was  baptized at 8 but I don't feel as bad for not remembering when I was baptized. I don't think I remember the first time I was saved was because as I explained before my faith as a child was so strong I think it all blended together.

March 9, 2004- CHOOSE LIFE!

March 9, 2004 changed my life forever. Before I go into that day, I have to tell you what lead up to this day because it is just as important! This blog entry will go into the darkest time of my life and I tell it because it is so important.. even if it reaches one person. Several years later, it is a story that still reaches people and helps them choose life.

I turned 14 in May of 2003. I won't into the why but that summer I because extremely suicidal. I was even suicidal at the Turner Syndrome Conference that summer in Orlando. I started 8th grade that fall. I started having seizures nonstop and my depression went even deeper. Between my depression and seizures, I could not attend school full time and was almost kept in 8th grade and almost placed on in in-home instruction. On December 2, 2003 I was in the ER all day, When I got home I went into a total meltdown and telling my mother "I just want to die!" over and over.

Three months later, my Grandfather completed suicide. I will never for anything that happened that day. Getting home from school and Mom saying she had to check on Grandpa because Dad had not heard from him all day and it was out of character. I remember the Police Officer knocking on our door to check on my brother and I who were minors at the time and to make sure someone would be with us soon. I remember picking up the phone and Mom telling me to put my brother on. I remember him talking to her and will never forget how he handled me so well. He said "No! No! No!' to Mom so I knew something was very wrong. He told me to sit down and said "Grandpa killed himself this afternoon." I will NEVER forget what he said to me to after that most importantly. It still  speaks to me today. It was like God speaking through him. He told me. "Stop! I know what you are thinking! Stop!" (he knew I was thinking if Grandfather could kill himself so can I) "You have something that Grandpa did not have. You have hope!" I will NEVER forget that. 

His decision to complete suicide is what ultimately drove me to CHOOSE LIFE! It took a LONG TIME. I had so many people praying for me. They prayed I'd choose life, see the light, and also find my way back God (I turned my back on Him the summer of 2003). I started attending Youth Group at a new church which I'd attend until I was 28. I would attend Winter Retreat in West Virginia with them and 600 other teens all 4 years of High School. Those 4 Winter Retreats changed everything for me more then all my appointments with my psychiatrist. My last Winter Retreat in 2008 when I was a Senior was the one that brought about total healing for me. I didn't spend too much time with my youth group that weekend because after the first service we had I knew I needed to be alone and figure things out, let go of anger over my seizures, and just had a lot to work through. I remember coming home and feeling a freedom I had not felt in 4 years. One of my classmates even commented on my demeanor the next day.  

My Grandfather's decision made me see what would happen to my family if I went through with my plans and I knew I simply could not do it and 2 months after his suicide when I turned 15 and survived the most awful year of my life and wasn't even sure I'd see 15, I knew I had chosen life for good! The depression and seizures were still there. I still had see my Psychiatrist often. I have not been off an anti-depressant since I was 14. 

Because I chose life  I graduated from high school. I have been able to travel a lot and see friends around the country. I graduated from College with honors. I got to meet my nephew last year! I learned how to cook. I work full time in my field. I have been able enjoy so much all because of 2 simple words... choose life! That's literally all it takes. 

I hope you never have to learn things the way I did. I hope you never have to go through everything I went through that horrible year This story does have take-aways though no matter who you are.

1) You matter to people more than you know.

2) There are so many blessing in every day life. 

3) Healing is slow sometimes but it is there.

4) Hope is always there and comes from people you least expect it. 

5). Choosing life is an every day decision and life is more then just getting through the day. Life is inside us, it is in the blessings, it's in those quiet moments and family noisiness! It is in the mundane and extraordinary! 

Bangor Chronicles: Swimming

My mother and I took adult swimming lessons for five weeks. It was a lot of fun. I learned how how to the breaststroke and mastered my freestyle and backstroke. My breaststroke is a work of a progress but it is correct. Just need to build up my endurance.

One thing I learned is that with swimming, muscle memory is hard to accomplish but is very important. It is hard to change something you have doing different from what the stroke calls for. Knowing what you are supposed to do and having the timing is hard.

When we think about life, we need a form of muscle training. We need to remember the right path to go and not depart from it. More and more, sin is becoming normalized. We rationalize our sins so we can keep on doing what we are doing. We want to continue doing what we are doing and because sin makes us feel guilty, we lighten it up to make us not feel guilty.

Where does being complacent and not remembering the things we are supposed to get us? NO WHERE! When we swim the wrong way, we are going to continue to swim the wrong way. The longer we swim the wrong way, the harder it is to learn a better way to swim- the right way.

Just like our muscles need to be trained to swim the right way- our heart and our minds need to learn to live the right way. How do we train our hearts and minds to go the way it should go? Some of it is basic common sense- going to church and praying. DISCLAIMER: I do not judge anyone who does not go to church and still share in the Christian faith. I believe it is more important to live out our faith and living for God then it is going Church  every Sunday. Church is only a building. Living it out is so much more important. Knowing where you are going is more important. Having friends to help retrain your muscles is important. It is important to train your mind using a part of Philippians 4 that tells us where we are suppose to focus.

Philippians 4:8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

To be completely honest and transparent, I really struggle with this and I am really working on it. I have been negative about a lot of different things. I have become cynical about God. I have been seeing things through a worldly lens and have seeing things as coincidence instead of something that had been orchestrated by God.

We got to learn to swim the right way. We need to approach live the right way. We need to see sin as what it really is and not rationalize it and make excuses.  We need to train our minds so we can in the righteousness that we called to.

Bangor Chronicles- Zach gets Baptized!

On March 4, 2018 I had the honor and privilege of seeing my precious nephew Zachary get baptized! It was such a special day and he had the congregation laughing! As parents today, raising their children in the Christian faith is harder then ever. When parents like Zachary's have their child baptized or dedicated it is so refreshing. It gives hope to the world! One of the reasons I want to work at a Christian preschool one day is because of this. I want to support these parents and let them know that they are not alone. Zach has a family filled of faith and because of that Zach will know the way he should go. Proverbs 22:6 promises "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. (NLT). I know this is true because I was raised in a devout Christian home. As a child, I remember being in church every time the doors were open. I was a Deacon's kid and my whole world centered around Jesus Christ and the church. The hardest part of being raised in a home of faith like I was is is making faith our own and not something that becomes complacent. Going to church or believing in God simply isn't enough. We need to make it personal because God is personal God. I expect Zach will have issues in his walk because we all do. I will do my best to encourage him and help him understand faith means nothing if it is not personal. I want him to feel comfortable asking the hard questions about faith such as "Why do bad things happen to good people?" It is good and healthy to have these questions. These questions help us develop our worldview. An example of this concept is when we ask "Why does God allow bad things to happen?" We will be more prone to finding the answer, searching and seeing God in those situations. After 9/11 more people went to church then ever before to help them answer that question. People who are not Christians even ask these questions because whether they admit it or not they want know that there is a God who can meet them where they are and heal their wounds. This is why we saw an entire nation, an entire world, searching for God after 9/11. I want Zach to learn how to be a strong boy and men of faith in this world. I want him to see past the headlines. I want him to be secure enough in himself and his faith that he is not easily swayed by the actions of his peers. I want him to go by his own drum and know that if he loses friends in the process it is their loss. I am so blessed to have been raised in close-knit family filled of faith in which I learned how to make my faith my own and not just see is as part of my family. I think that is the most important thing Christian parents can teach their child- to make their faith own and not something that is just a part of their family. I am certain that this is how we will raise Zachary. The family raises the child with the parents! I am blessed to know the type of home my nephew will be raised. The way our parents raised us is being passed down because just like the verse in Proverbs, we didn't depart from it.

Bangor Chronicles: Disney

On February 5th, the folks, Bangor and I went to Disney World to celebrate my college graduation. On Monday we went to Magic Kingdom, on Tuesday we went to Epcot, on Wednesday, we went to Animal Kingdom, on Thursday we went to Universal Studios and back to Magic Kingdom. We did Avatar and it was worth waiting over 2 hours! We did the Seven Dwarfs Mine Ride, It's a Small World, Peter Pan's flight, Space Mountain, and so much more!

We stayed at the Art of Animation and it was great! We stayed in the Cars Family Suites and I had my own bedroom and bathroom which I really appreciated. It gave me some "me time" which I need. We did things differently then when my Mom and I went in 2015. We did not get the meal plan and had food delivered. This saved us a lot of money and I would recommend that families do it that way.  You eat what you want and not any more. You don't worry about losing money because you did not use a snack you were allotted or and stuff like that.

My favorite park is EPCOT. I really like the World Showcase, Soarin', Spaceship Earth, and the adorable Nemo ride. Soarin' was different from when my mother and I rode it in 2015 and we both thought was greatly improved. I particularly loved the different smells that were added. It added a whole other dimension. My mother and I did not like Animal Kingdom so much when we went in 2015 but we loved it this time as it had improved greatly and we spent more time there then we did the last time.

We did all the night shows at the different parks. It is really hard to say which one is the best because they are all so different. I loved  Illumination at Epcot. I will never forget the child near me pointing at the globe and literally named all the continents. I am 28 and I can't do that! I thought the fireworks at Magic Kingdom and thought that it has gotten much better.

I am so thankful to my folks for taking me. We had a great time! I could not stop thinking of little Zach and how I can't wait to take him when he reaches the perfect age!