Tuesday, December 26, 2017

Bangor Chronicles: At Church


December 24, 2017- Bangor at Meadow Park Church of God 

I am a member of the Church of the Nazarene. I have been a member of the Church of the Nazarene since September 11, 2006 when I was 17. I love the Church of the Nazarene and always will. It holds a special place in my heart. 2017 threw a curve-ball that I was not at all anticipating. I am not going to say anything bad about the church I left. I will suffice it to say, I reached a place in my life where
it was time for me to move on. My parents knew it and I knew it. In June, my mother took me to Meadow Park Church of God. Ironically, it was also the Senior Pastor's first Sunday. His sermon challenged me and spoke to where I am in my life as I face the unknown. He preached about difference between our expectations and anticipating what God is going to do. When my mother and I headed back to our car I told her "This is it! I just know it!" The thought of it being a different  denomination  didn't bother me at all because I was finally receiving what I needed and need so desperately. I also learned through my mother that the Church of God is very much aligned with the Church of the Nazarene.

During the summer, I merely got my feet wet. In September I dived in full throttle and have grown in leaps and bounds ever since! I am involved in Sunday School where I loved and accepted. On Wednesday night I am part of a Bible Study for young adult women. Now I look forward to going to church! I feel I have a place! The Bible Study is probably one of the best things that happened for me in 2017 because before that time I had nothing available like that for me. I came into Bible Study that first night feeling so nervous but when I got home I couldn't stop talking to my mother about it! I found what I had been looking for so far too long. I am go thankful for my Wednesday Bible Study and I finally feel like I have local friends for the first time in a long time! My depression is better and my anxiety is better.  Everything about my life has improved ever since that first Sunday my mother took me to Meadow Park Church of God.

Sometimes life throws us curve-balls and we can choose to either go with them or roll against them. I was very scared and nervous that first Sunday. I knew how much I wanted it to work especially because it close to my parent's church (the church I left) and transportation wouldn't be an issue. I started going to Meadow Park as a 28 year old who was going into her last semester of college. I was dealing with severe anxiety and mild depression. I was very shy and insecure. Since that June day, I have blossomed! I contribute to Sunday School and Bible Study. People really value my insight. If I went against the curve-ball I wouldn't be where I am today. I have made a complete turn around in my life. I am so grateful for it!

Introducing the Bangor Chronicles

Introducing Bangor! Bangor is a stuffed animal moose that we found in a hotel room that we brought in 2015 with the money going to sick children. Bangor was found in Bangor, Maine so when my mother asked what we should name our moose I suggested we name him Bangor and that has been his name ever since! My mother suggested that starting in 2016, one family gets him for the entire you. Our objective is to take him to a lot of places, take pictures of him and document. Sounds kinda cheesy right? We do not care! Life is meant to fun! This is finally my year with Bangor! He will going to a lot of places this coming year including Disney in February, Arizona and Texas solo with me in May, and possibly Arlington, Virginia! I will be doing my documentation here which is how I feel most comfortable putting it all together. So without further to do I am introducing a new part of the blog called The Bangor Chronicles! You will know it is Bangor blog when you see Bangor Chronicles. At the end of next year, I am going to print all these out and put them in a notebook with page protectors! Where will Bangor go this year? Stay tuned! Oh the places we're go!



Thursday, December 21, 2017

Life in The Box

It started with a simple phone call. Ever had a moment in your life when the phone rings and all the sudden life as you knew it is turned upside down and changed forever? It happened a few weeks after I turned 14. It was Tuesday. I was on the recliner when the phone rang. My father picked up and I knew immediately it was my brother's fiance. They had just graduated college. Well, that phone call I would later find out was to inform him she took of the ring on graduation day and the engagement was over. I would find out even later that she said she did not want to get married because of my mother and I- with me being most at fault. Remember, I was just a 14 year old and because of developmental delays I was more like 12.

When the phone rang, I was reading my Bible and my Mom was saying how unusual it was for a 14 year old to be doing such a thing as reading the Bible. This was just the girl I was- before the phone call rang.  Little did I or or my mother know how long it would be till I picked up and read a Bible again. Looking back, the irony of me reading the Bible when the phone rang is truly amazing.  Before the phone rang, I had a faith that so strong and beautiful and childlike. I knew the Bible inside and out and God and I were on great terms.

After the phone call rang that little girl got lost. I stopped reading the Bible and my poem writing days were history- never to come back again. I walked away from everything my family believed and everything believed. Now here is where the title of this entry comes into play. That summer, I became someone I and my family didn't know. I would do this drawing to express how I was feeling. There is a stick person inside a box. Inside the box connected to this person were words such as safe, love, and peace- basic warm fuzzy words. Here is where the disturbing part of the picture. Outside of the box I wrote words such as trash, hated, mistake, stupid, worthless. When my mother found these pictures she asked me what I meant. I told her when I am by myself I am fine but when I get outside the box I felt those ugly words. I would continue doing it throughout this summer and instead of throwing them out, Mom kept them because she thought she would need them later and she would. She would show them to my psychiatrist months later.

The point this story that eventually I had to get out of the box. Yes, it is safer to be inside in our little box where nothing from the outside can hurt us. Where we can withdraw like a turtle with it's head in it's shell. It is harder to get out of the box and get our head out it's shell. If we truly want to live the way we're meant to we need to get out of our box. As scary as it it is we have to trust people. It is a very scary thing to do- I know! I have been let down by people time, time, and time again. In order to learn to trust people again I had to get back to the faith I had as a child- something I am still working on. I think it's something every person who has been a Christian for a long time like myself deals with. I am learning that our relationships with people is directly influenced by our faith.

Getting out of the box is really hard and very scary. Sometimes I still prefer to stay in my box! If we stay in the box we are missing so much! I now have amazing friends I know I can trust. Friends who are patient with me and my battle with anxiety and depression. Friends who are just a text away. I am learning that life outside the box isn't as scary as in the pictures I drew. There are places to go, books to read, the sun is shining even when it's raining because of the people in my life. There are obstacles to overcome and things to do! Sometimes we need to go back and get in the box and retreat. This is where we can go back to reflect and collect ourselves. We just can't stay there because life outside the box is beautiful!
                                                

Monday, December 18, 2017

Lessons I Learned in College


Despite great odds, I graduated from college on December 15, 2017. My degree is in Early Childhood Development and Education with Honors. Here are some of the lessons I learned from college.

1) It does not matter how long it takes to get there as long as you get there and get there to the best of your ability. It took me a long time to get this degree. I took my time and because of that I was really able to focus on my studies and excel. I doubt I would have done as well had I not taken things slowly.

2)  If you make an effort and show you put your best foot forward then you will reap the benefits. At the end of my first Practicum, I got a grade by my Mentor Teacher that was REALLY bad and was not accurate to my performance and could have dropped me a letter grade. After talking to my Practicum Coordinator and Practicum Instructor, I discovered that because of the way I have shown myself at school and in my observations that they took the evaluation with a grain of salt and I still  got A for the Practicum. This was all because they saw the effort and hard work I put in and the type of student I was.

3) I learned what I was capable of for the first time! I wasn't in special classes like I was in high school. I didn't use any accommodations  expect taking test outside of class and having double time. This was a whole new world for me. It was challenging but I had extremely good attendance and because of that I did really well. I also was not afraid to seek help such as with my English papers which is no different from people without my challenges.

4) I learned how important the support system I have is. I never took my support system for granite but college has made me even more thankful for my family and friends. I could not be where I am without them. Yes, I did a majority of the work myself but without them I would not have able to believe I was capable of doing the work and doing it well.

5) I learned to trust people. I have bad experiences with people who did not treat me fairly in a work situation like my 1st Practicum experience but my Mentor Teachers in my 2nd and 3rd Practicum really showed me that I can trust people! They gave me so much confidence in my abilities and their evaluations revealed to me just how capable I am.

6. I learned how to communicate with people. I saw how willing my instructors were willing to how me and my classmates to succeed. I took advantage of every help they were willing to give. I had them go over assignments before they were due and they gave me suggestions. I learned it is okay to ask for help when you need. If people see you wanting to your best, they will willing to help most of the time.

7. Life is truly about the journey and not the destination. The journey of getting through college and then crossing that stage is something I will never forget. I will never forget my days as a college student. The tears I cried and the accomplishments and joy. I will never forget the people I meant along the journey who helped me believe in myself.

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Light in The Darkness

Let's face it! Some of us can feel like Charlie Brown at Christmas. Feeling melancholy, alone, tired of of commercialization. We hear "It's The Most Wonderful Time of The Year" all the time on the radio this time of year. The sad and harsh reality is that many people find this to be the hardest time of year. Grief over losing a loved one, family dysfunction, financial hardships... the list is endless! These events draw us further and further into the darkness. We find ourselves with a Charlie Brown mindset. The good news is even in the darkness, the light is still there. We just need to walk in obedience response to light.

I am going to tell you the story of a 14 year old girl who once lived in the darkness. It started right when she turned 14. Medically, she started having seizures and tics that were nonstop. Lots of test were done and several theories were given to what going on. During this time, she was home-bound. She could not even go to school. All these test, the nonstop seizures and tics with no diagnoses in sight she became increasingly depressed and suicidal. She was taken to see the best Child/Adolescent Psychiatrist in the city with over 20 years of experience as an emergency situation. Her mother was told she was the most depressed and stubborn teenager he'd ever seen and was at absolute risk of harming herself and completing suicide if left alone. He said it was not impossible but recovery would be a very long process and not happen over night. Little did her family know that her Grandfather was suicidal at the same time and would eventually complete suicide on March 9, 2004.

Recovery was long and hard but it came! Her family was with her every step of the way and never gave up on her. She was transferred to neurology at Cincinnati Children's Hospital and with the help of her oldest brother, she was finally diagnosed with Tourette's. She would be diagnosed with Pseudo Seizures a little later. Having the diagnoses was a major step in the right direction. Getting on medicine to help the seizures and tics and going to school for shorter day made everything better. It was still hard. Total recovery and peace wouldn't come until she was 18. Gradually, she saw light piercing the darkness. She knew how much her Grandfather's suicide affected her family and knew she couldn't do that to them- no matter how hard things got. The light was there but she had to respond to it. She had to see God in her diagnoses in order to make peace of it. She realized in High School that she has a testimony of God who doesn't let go, who is faithful and most importantly a God that is so bigger then depression, anxiety, and any diagnoses. 

This is a VERY short version of this story. The girl in this story in case you do not know is me. I know firsthand the darkness. How lonely it is to be in the darkness! So many situations can place us in the darkness. The turning point for me was seeing how much I was blessed! How my family was so patient and loving towards me, and the love was extended to me from other people and the prayers said on my behalf. My faith was very lacking but somehow I was able to write letters to God in a diary during that. This is the first step- making a cognizant decision to keep your faith no matter how hard the situations you face today or will face in the future. You need to open your eyes to all the ways you are blessed. When you see just how blessed you are the further you step out of the darkness.

This holiday season in obedience choose to see the light and step toward it accordingly.

I will leave you with 2 verses.

John 1:5

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

John 16:33
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”




Monday, November 27, 2017

Snow!

I haven't written to you since September. A lot has been going on in my life with getting to graduate from college in two weeks and my priority has been to finish strong and to the best of my ability. I have also been thinking and praying a lot about what my plans are after college. Now that I have more time, I plan to focus on writing whenever I can! 

I am currently reading Present over Perfect by Shauna Nieguist for a bible study I am involved with. I am going to discuss a part of the book that spoke to me the most. She starts with a verse from Job. 

"God's voice thunders in marvelous ways; he does great things beyond our understanding. He says to the snow, "Fall on the earth," and to rain shower, "Be a mighty downpour."
Job 37:5-6

Niequist says  "God says to the snow, "Fall on the earth," That's it. Just do one thing. Just fall. And then he says to the rain shower, "Be a might downpour." Essentially, he's saying: just do the thing I've actually created you to do. Your're rain: so rain. You're snow so snow." (p.189) 

So many of us inundate ourselves with task that we were not created to do! We commit to things and have problem saying no to things that we are simply not responsible for. This can lead to resentment, anxiety, exhaustion, and even depression. I also take it to mean that we should not compare ourselves to others. This is an area I personally struggle with. If we were created to only do what He created us then how can we compare ourselves to other people? If I am snow, how can I compare myself to rain and wish I was rain? I think  if we remember this verse and the context of it that we will have a much harder time comparing ourselves to others. 

What are you passionate? What brings you the most joy? Niequist calls doing what we do with ease and lightness our "essential selves." (p 190-191). We tend to walk away that. Our focus leans to be what others want to be. When we fall into this trap, we lose our essential self. We are snow trying to become rain. 

Niequist ask us "What do you need to to leave behind in order to recover that essential self that God created? What do you need to walk away from in order to reclaim those parts if you that God designed, unique to you and for his purposes." (pg 191

Are you ready to be who you were created to be? Stop being rain when you were made to snow! 


Niequist, S. (2016). Present over Perfect . Grand Rapids: Zondervan.

Saturday, September 9, 2017

Gideon


Do you ever feel small and weak? Like you can't live up up the expectations of people have on you? Gideon felt that way. In Judges 6-7. we read about his story. The Israelites were doing evil in God's sight. God put them in the dominion of Midian for 7 years. The people of Israel hid out in the mountains. The Midians left them nothing to live on. They were reduced to poverty. They called out to God and He spoke to Gideon through an Angel. Gideon replied. But Lord,” Gideon replied, “how can I rescue Israel? My clan is the weakest in the whole tribe of Manasseh, and I am the least in my entire family!” Judges 6:15. Gideon asked the Angel for several signs to prove that God would help Him and was truly speaking to him. All the signs that Gideon asked for was completed so Gideon complies. Sounds like us, right? We keep asking God for show up before we can trust him. Gideon, only after seeing that was truly God speaking to him complied.

Gideon gathered a huge army to fight Midian. God said he had too many, and asked him to ask his soldiers if they wanted to go home, and 22,000 of them went home. The number is now 10,000 but God says it is still too big. Only 300 soldiers were left to fight Midian. Remember how large it was at the beginning. To make a long story short, Gideon splits his 300 men into 3 groups. He gave each man a rams' horn and told them to shout exactly what they were to say, "For the Lord and for Gideon." (verse 17). They began at midnight by breaking clay jars. and played their rams' horn. They had torches lighting the sky. The Midians ran out, panicking and shouting as they escaped.

I think we are a lot like Gideon. In fact, Gideon is my favorite story in the Bible. I often feel like Gideon. I feel small. I question if I can do all that is expected of me. There were many times in college I doubted that I'd actually graduate. Yet, the God of Gideon is our God. He says if He tells us to do something, He will give us the resources to get it done. We do not have to have signs done for us like Gideon to prove we can trust God. We have stories just like Gideon's all throughout the Bible to show us God is on our side. He is for us and and we are not alone. The Bible proves God is trustworthy 100% of the time.

Sunday, September 3, 2017

When the Unexplainable Happens


This is just one of the pictures that shows the devastation left from Hurricane Harvey. Some of the stats on CNN are staggering and beyond comprehension. 75 billion in losses, 72,000 people rescued, 30,000 people who need temporary shelter. These are only some of the stats.  Beyond every stat, is a face of a mother, father, child. Beyond every stat there is an elderly person whose life hangs in a balance. Hurricane Harvey is just one example of things that we cannot understand and things we cannot explain. 

So, what are we suppose to do when things like this happens. First we need to support each other. If we cannot afford to help financially, there are other ways we can such as simply praying for the families affected and the rescue workers. It is easy to lose hope when catastrophic events take place whether you are in the impact of the devastation or miles away.  It can be mentally draining. We need to keep the situation in our thoughts but we also need to move forward- this goes for everyone. There are many ways to keep levelheaded when the unexplained happens. 

1) Limit the amount of time you watch the news or read the news- this includes Facebook 

2) Spend time with your family doing something fun

3). If you feel you need to talk to someone, make a call to a Mental Health Professional. 

4). Do things you love to do.

5) Talk to someone you trust. 

The most important thing to remember is to not to lose hope. The Bible warns us time and time again the we will encounter hard times in this life. Being a Christian doesn't give one a "get out of a jail" free pass. The Bible also tells us not to lose heart because God as overcome the world. Think of all the good things people are doing to help others. People are taking care of one another. People are going out to the devastated areas with food, water, clothes, blankets and supplies for the victims. This is just one way of God overcoming the world. It is so easy to overlook the miracles and only see the devastation. This is when we begin to feel helpless and overwhelmed. When we see the miracles going on during unexplained events, we do not feel as helpless. We begin to be able to trust God and also become something that is so much bigger then ourselves. We see ourselves as equal and united. 

When the unexplained happens we need to look at the miracles in order to rise up and move forward individually and as a nation. 



Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Serving is Healing

When I was in 8th grade, I went through an extremely dark period in my life. After I turned 14 at the end of 7th grade, my oldest brother Matthew had just graduated from college. He proposed to his college girlfriend the day after my 14th birthday. The Tuesday after their graduation she broke off the engagement. She blamed our mother and I for the breakup. She said very harsh words against us. During that summer in 2003, my entire personality changed. I stopped writing. I wrote a lot before then. I turned my back on God. I became extremely suicidal and depressed. I behaved horribly because I had so much anger. I would draw a picture of a stick person and would draw lines going out from the stick person. I would write words like "mistake" and trash." This was how I expressed my emotions to my parents about how I saw myself.

I started 8th grade and a few weeks afterwards the seizures and tics started. My depression and suicidal thoughts also become more severe. I had a Special Education teacher that year who happened to be a Christian. She had my brother previously and knew my parents. She knew I was being raised in a Christian home. Despite it being a public school, she prayed for me when we were in the classroom alone together. She would tell me that God had a plan for my life and  He was going to use me. I can still hear her saying "Kick Satan in the butt!" She told me that God was going to use  what I was going through. She would remind me of Jeremiah 29:11 that reads "For I know the plans I have for you." declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.

She had the gift of discernment and knew I needed to actually see what she was talking about- that I needed to tangibly see God using me and His plan for me. Early into the school year, she talked to the teachers in the Daily Living Skills class for children with severe disabilities. She asked them if I could help out in their classroom on a regular basis. I would see them in the mornings before school when I went to school in the morning (I was unable to handle a full day of school). I helped them out on field trips, took some of them to the cafeteria to get their lunches and helped them bring it back to their classroom. I would have lunch with them everyday. I remember my time in that classroom and how much it helped me see that there a purpose for my life. I helped the teachers with the kids but I got so much more out of being in that classroom then I probably gave. I found my purpose in life and that was to help kids with disabilities. I did not stop working with them after I went on High School. continued to hang out them and have lunch with them. I remained a part of the community and it changed my life forever. I was able to heal because I was given the opportunity to serves these kids and their teachers and truly make an impact. These were the kids that were often ignored but I was able to connect to them. I was able to see beyond my own pain and think about others and although I was still depressed and suicidal I was able to hang out that lifeline and it saved my life.

My time in their classroom actually lead to the major I I chose and the career that I love- Early Childhood Development and Education. Yes, these kids  were not early childhood but I was able to think about a career in education because of my time with them. I decided in 8th grade by working with them that I wanted to a Preschool teacher. I want to work with children like them but at a much younger age before they begin school. I want to work in an inclusive classroom where they are taught with their typically developing in a way that is appropriate for them. I want to work with their parents and guide them through the Special Education process. I want to tell them my story and give them hope if they want to hear it. I was once in a preschool classroom like that- as a Special Needs student. I want to give them hope for their children and learn that a diagnoses is only a diagnosis. It is such a small part of their child.

Serving and thinking of others is truly one of the best cures for depression. If I hadn't been able to spend time with those kids everyday I would have missed out on knowing what it is I am suppose to do! We get so caught up in how we are feel that we forget that there are other people going through things that are much more challenging. When we serve them, we feel better and we find our true healing. Serving those kids in 8th grade and High School was what healed me.





Wednesday, August 16, 2017

What People with Mental Illness Want You to Know

One in five Americans suffer from mental illness each year. I am one of them. I have been formally diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Clinical Depression. I have been on an anti-depressant ever since I was 14 and have never stopped being one. There are so many different forms of mental illness. Without going into too much detail about what they are and all they mean for people, we will sorely be focusing on things I find that people with mental illness want you to know.

Mental illness IS an illness 

People do not see mental illness the same way that they see physical illness. We need to proper treatment for our mental illness just like we would what need care if we had the flu. It affects how we function. Some of us cannot work. Some of us find it hard to leave the house. Some of us are homeless and cannot afford the help we need to get our life on track. Mental health services need to be increased and be made affordable to everyone person who needs one. 

When we start to look better doesn't mean we are cured. 

Mental illnesses like depression and anxiety come and go. We can relapse easily. We don't get this way to get attention. If we could take away our depression and anxiety we would do it an a heartbeat

We need time 

Sometimes we just need time and patience from the people in our life. We need time to process things. If we are withdrawn, make yourself available but don't make us talk before we are ready. Sometimes it can take a few weeks to tell someone we love what is bothering us. Respect that. I should also add, if you notice major behavioral changes or think we could inflict harm on ourselves, get us help. Don't run away from us. You can tell whether we just need time to process things before opening up or if something is really wrong. Use your best judgement. 

We feel alone

Dealing with any mental illness is isolating no matter how many friends we have or how much love our families shower on us. Doing little things like sending a care package can help us know that we are not alone. Invite us to go somewhere! Get us out of the house! Give us something we can look forward to. You may not understand us, but you can do small tangible things that show us you care. 

Sometimes we just need to talk. 

Sometimes we just need to talk. We don't need to be corrected or critiqued. Sometimes we don't want advice. Sometimes advice can be the worst thing for us. Sometimes you need to just listen. You can usually tell when we are not in the mood for advice and just looking for a listening ear. 

Being told "just snap out of it" doesn't work. 

We cannot simply snap out of it. It only makes it worse. As stated before, we need time. Our brains are physically different and it may take us longer to process things. We may act immaturely because we don't know how to cope. Don't let that ruin your impression of us. Learn to love us unconditionally be patient. If we act immature, it is not a reflection of who we really are inside.







Friday, August 11, 2017

Daniel And The Lions Den



Many of us have heard the story of Daniel and the Lion's Den. It is a story we were taught in Sunday School and at VBS. Children are usually taught Daniel and The Lion's in relation to not being afraid because God is with us. We know that story so well that we seldom come back to it as adults. Today, we are going to use this story in our discussion about trusting God.

Our story is found in Daniel: Chapter 6. King Darius splits the kingdom into 120 provinces. He appoints a high officer for every province. He also appoints Daniel and 2 other administrators to oversee the high officers and to protect the King's interest. The other 2 administrators and the high officers try to find wrongdoing on the part of Daniel. They find him to blameless. He is faithful, responsible and trustworthy. They see that the only way to accuse him of any wrongdoing would be on the grounds of religion. They approach King Darius and tell him they all agree that no one should pray to anyone but King Darius for a month. If anyone is found to be  praying to anyone other the King, then they would have to be thrown into the Lion's Den. Daniel finds out about decree but still prayed at his house 3 times everyday. The other 2 administrators and high officers go to his house and find him praying, Much to the dismay of King Darius, Daniel was thrown into to the Lion's Den. The next morning, King Darius goes back to the Lion's Den to check on Daniel. He is shocked when Daniel responds to him and comes out of the den without so much as a scratch! King Darius then signs a decree that one could pray to anyone or anything expect the God of Daniel. The God that saved Daniel from the lions.

Daniel trusted God. He knew what would have  happened if he was found praying but he kept praying to his God. It takes an amazing about faith to keep praying if you knew you could be dinner for the lions if you were caught! We all have Lion's Den type situations. We become afraid. We don't know what do and if we will come out unscathed. We are given choices everyday to rely or not rely on God to be enough. It is really hard for me to trust God with the faith of Daniel! I am getting ready to graduate from college in December and after that I have no idea of what is going happen! I don't know where I am going to live and work. It is very scary and overwhelming. You may be dealing with a similar situation or you may have a completely different situation in which is hard to trust God with a Daniel like faith. We are given a choice. We can choose to trust God whether we know the outcome like Daniel did or do not know the outcome. We can choose to live by our own understanding and try to do things our own way or we can trust a God who already knows that outcome and is there for us. Which choice do you make?


Monday, August 7, 2017

Be A Clique- Breaker: Part 2 Difficult People

If you haven't read the previous post, please read that before reading this post. At the end of the previous post, I mentioned how including difficult people into a social group can be challenging. We all have flaws and things about us that can make us challenging. We all have good days and bad days. Today we are going to discuss including difficult people and setting healthy boundaries. I am going to using online research to lead our discussion. Links to the websites used and citations are at the bottom.

I think before we go any further, it is best we begin by defining what a difficult person actually is. Van  Edwards (2014) found that there are four different types of difficult people. They are downers, better than, passives and tanks. Downers are always have something negative to say about everything.  Better than people try to impress you and make comparisons. Passives are people who don't contribute much to the conversation and let others do that hard work. Tanks are people who need to have everything their own way and will do anything to have it.

In 2013, Psychology Today put together an article called Ten Keys To Handling Unreasonable and Difficult People written by Preston Ni M.S.B.A. I am not going to go into all ten keys but the link the website is on the bottom. I will hit on some points. It is important to maintain self-control. Maintain your composure to be less reactive. Before responding, focus on taking deep breaths. If needed, take a time-out and deal with the situation later. Do not try to change or convince a difficult person (Ni, 2013). Try to keep your distance from them. Be proactive instead of reactive. Come up with various ways to view a situation before reacting (Ni, 2013). Avoid personalizing and try to view the person and situation more objectively. A way to do this is trying to understand things from the other person's point of view. Pick your battles and think about whether the issue is really important in the scheme of things.

You do not have to include people who you have tried to work things out but it was it not well received one way or another. Every person should know what the boundaries are and what the consequences are if they go outside the boundaries. We all need people who build us up. We need people who are willing to compromise and do what is best for everyone. Sadly, some people have a hard time with that. If the person effects the atmosphere of everything you do together in a negative way it is time to revisit what is best for the group. The important thing is that it is done with compassion and integrity.

I hope this has helped you.



Edwards, V. V. (March , 28 2014). 4 Types of Difficult People and How to Deal . Retrieved from Science Of People .

M.S.B.A., P. N. (2013, September 2 ). Ten Keys to Handling Unreasonable & Difficult People. Retrieved from Psychology Today .

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201309/ten-keys-handling-unreasonable-difficult-people

http://www.scienceofpeople.com/2014/03/4-types-difficult-people-deal/




Sunday, August 6, 2017

Be A Clique- Breaker

Welcome back, friends! I hope this post finds you doing well and enjoying the last part of summer. Soon we will be in hoodies and leaves will be falling down. Children are already going back to school. In Middle School and High School, kids start identifying with a group of people. They hesitate to let other kids into their social groups. People usually see cliques as something only known to teenagers, but sadly cliques go with us way into adulthood. Today we are going to about cliques and how we can be compassionate and include other people.

Without going into to much information, I have been a victim of a clique. In my early 20's I hung out with a group of friends who were much older then me and took me under their wings. They were wonderful, caring and I trusted them- something that is hard for me. However, the further we got into our friendship the more I put into situations that I was not comfortable and couldn't have avoided. I was raised in a Christian home. I was kinda naive when it came to adult terms. I was only 21 and had not been exposed certain things and didn't know how to react. My parents never sat down with my brothers and I because we were great kids and we knew the difference from right and wrong. The more I was exposed to this lifestyle, the more I didn't want a part of it. To make a long story short, they have cut me out of their social circle and it has been that way since 2011. I know looking back things could have been different. I could have been their friends but not take part in the activities that made me uncomfortable. I tried to reconcile and repair what we had with no success. It breaks my heart.

Being left-out hurts! Today, it hurts even more then a past. On Facebook you can see people in your area and wonder why you were left off. You might not know that you hurt someday by doing something so seamlessly innocent. What can we do to be inclusive? First, you may need to get out of your comfort zone and talk to someone you don't know. They may want to be your friend and do things with your friends but you don't realize it. Be open-minded ! If someone doesn't want to do something don't cut them out! Make compromises! Do things they would like to be a part of! If there is someone you haven't talked to a while- text them or call them! Let them know you are thinking of them! As a group, think of ways you can include other people. Learn what each person likes and dislikes! Learn their talents! Everyone has something to offer! This is what makes humanity so beautiful! Accept each other's diffCerences and quirks. See past the flaws and see the heart.


Image result for clique definition
Courtesy: howstuffworks.com


My next blog will be about what do with difficult people and about setting boundaries. Being inclusive does not mean you have to put up with certain behaviors or difficult people after you have done everything to include them.

Saturday, February 4, 2017

The Narrow Way


Please watch this short video clip before reading.

Facing the Giants
Sherwood Pictures and Destination Films
2006





There is a verse mentioned in this scene. I am going to share it with you now to paint the context for our discussion. Our verse is found in Matthew Chapter 7 Verses 13-14

Matthew 7:13-14  (New Living Translation) 
13“You can enter God’s Kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose that way. 14 But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it.

We live in a very challenging time. We as a Nation and World are extremely divided. It makes it harder to live moral lives then ever before! There is a feeling of isolation even if you have regular fellowship with like-minded individuals. There are so many things that can distract us from taking the road less traveled or as scripture calls it, the Narrow Gate! We are losing our focus! We seem to be veering towards the broad well traveled path more then ever before! We need to refocus our priorities on the things that truly matter. Only on the narrow road, can people truly find what they are looking for- light, peace, hope, guidance, redemption, courage, strength, and unconditional love.  On the broad well traveled path, we find broken hearts, broken families, destroyed dreams, destruction, no hope, no victory, no redemption! It is always tempting to follow the crowd and do what everyone else is doing. It is easier and less isolating. Some people say they even find freedom. I can tell you from personal experience that REAL FREEDOM cannot be found on the broad, well traveled path. You may feel a temporary sense of freedom but it will not last long for long. The only way to find REAL FREEDOM is on the Narrow Path! All other paths cannot offer what the Narrow Path offers you! It is a hard path to follow but it is worth it! It doesn't mean life will be perfect and without challenges. Our verse today tells us the opposite. I believe in us! I believe we have all an ability to stay on the Narrow Path when we choose it! When you find other people who are Narrow Path, you don't feel as isolated and are held accountable for staying the course! We know there are many temptations out there to get us off the Narrow Path and lose our focus. We can fight these temptations by simply slowing down, and think about why we choose the Narrow Path in the first place.








Sunday, January 29, 2017

BOMBARDED!

Today almost everyone is on social media. Social media can be a VERY positive tool if you use it for good. Without facebook, I would have little connection with people who share my medical condition. For it, facebook has been an invaluable resource. Sadly, I see more and more people using facebook and other social media outlets to spread negativity and to push their own political agenda. I am all for people speaking up for their beliefs! However, let me ask you something. How many of you feel bombarded by negativity? How many of you would feel better if you weren't on facebook? I know I would feel better if I spent time off facebook, but I would also miss all my friends. Facebook can be a great resource but I also believe that it is making people further divided. There is so much hatred and negativity on facebook. People even get scared but what they see on facebook! I know I have. The thing is we need to begin to unplug from the negativity. If we want to be the change we want to see in the world, then we need to be careful of what we say and what we post on facebook. We all have heard that the words we say are a reflection of our heart. The same is true for what we post on social media platforms! It makes me sad when I see what people post on facebook. It makes me sad because  I have learned about what we post on social media is what people are feeling inside their hearts! They are scared! They are hurting! They are angry! We were made for SO MUCH MORE then the way we are living today! Do you want to be a vehicle that brings about positive change? Do you want to get rid of the fear, hurt and anger? Do you want to reengage yourself with things that REALLY matter- family, friends, faith, hope and love?


Friday, January 20, 2017

Letting Go of Hatred and Anger

There have been a lot of scared people today as President Trump becomes our 45th President. It BREAKS my heart to see all this! People behaving badly and getting arrested. People saying things that make sound so bad, like there is no hope. Now, I DO NOT agree with everything that Trump has said or done. I acknowledge his faults BUT I REFUSE to be Anti-Trump and my heart filled with fear and hatred. I refuse to be scared and feel our Country is without hope. I truly believe that everything is going to be okay. I believe that we need need to cool down to the best of our ability. I am at TOTAL peace because I HOLD ONTO THE WORD OF GOD. I cannot imagine not having the perspective. I cannot imagine living in fear. Whatever happens will happen. Build your life on the ROCK. Otherwise, you will truly only sink. I am not trying to preach to you about what to believe. I am only saying why I am at peace and why I am not afraid. If you want to know how to find that same peace, I'd be willing to talk with you. The thing is we must let go of all our hatred and fear. If we don't our lives will be missing everything that wholesome, good and true. When we let go of those chains and fears, we have a freedom that brings about REAL PEACE! Isn't that what you want? For you to be at peace, the only way to is to let go of hate and anger and move forward. If you want to learn more about letting fear, let me know and I can help lead you to the answer about how to let that go.



Monday, January 9, 2017

Touched By An Angel Episode: Into The Light

I watched an Touched by An Angel episode this afternoon and it has to be one of the most powerful episodes in the whole series! It ALWAYS gets to me and I have had to share it with you!

TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL
SEASON 3
EPISODE 10: Into The Light

Written by Bob Colleary
Created by John Masius

In this episode James Block (David Marciano) is a man who is arrested in a sting robbery. He also happens to have a heart condition and has cheated death in the past. As part of his punishment, he is forced to do community service at a hospital. During his time in the hospital, he cheats death again by having another heart attack. He sees Andrew- the Angel of Death (John Dye). He also sees a bright light and also darkness. When a teenage girl with cystic fibrosis meets James, she tells him that he was given a second chance to do good things and turn his life around. He takes this news the wrong way though. He begins to do all these good things for other patients, including the teenage girl, Amy Ann McCoy (Kirsten Dunst). James does all these good things thinking it will get him into heaven. The Angels have to remind him about his second chance. They remind them that God loves him and that he has choice. Andrew describes how death isn't scary. He describes heaven as a beautiful place and that light is only the beginning. James turns his life over to God after learning that he cannot to heaven on his own. At the end of the episode, Amy Ann is dying and James tell her that everything is okay and to allow Jesus to take her to heaven. Andrew touches her and she passes away to Elvis Presley' s version of Precious Lord, Take My Hand.

(Some information given through http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0732071/)

I find this episode to be truly amazing. Today, we try to do everything on our own. We make our own choices and do what we want to do, when we want to do it. We forget to let go of the reigns and realize that nothing is possible on our own. For example, I wouldn't be doing well in college on my own, I wouldn't have survived to birth on my own, I wouldn't be proving Dr's wrong on my own. We all given chance after chance to see the light. We just need to let the of reigns.

Sunday, January 8, 2017

On Honesty

I have made some mistakes in my life. We all have done things we regret. We have words that we wish we could take back, relationships that we wish we could mend, hearts we broken we wished we could mend. I have not always been honest about things. I did it not in a mean or callous way but in a way to not hurt people. I was afraid if I told them how I really felt then it make them not want to be my friend. I have not had the best of luck with friendships. I have been hurt so much that I stopped trusting people so I would internalize my feelings and lie. This has hurt people and for that I am sorry. I know that I need to be honest with people now. I learned that my current friends should be punished for what has been done to me in the past. I know now how to trust people. I have learned to be honest with them and learn that it will not hurt our friendship but actually make it so much better. Honesty with ourselves is the first step. We need to look deep inside and examine ourselves. After we examine ourselves we need to come clean with those we love. We need to see things through their perspective. We need to emphasize with them so that we then movie forward. I am glad to say that this is now in my past. My mask is off and I have learned to trust people. Can people still hurt us? Yes. But if we are honest then we have done everything that we possible can. I hope today that you are not holding back anything for those you love. It is NOT worth it. I have learned time and time again that the truth ALWAYS comes out! It is more hurtful when it comes out later as a lie. There is a song by Brandon Heath that I love and I want to close out this post with it. It is titled "I'm not Who I Was." I think of the people who I have hurt, the people who have left me for one reason or another. I wish they could see me today, how far I've come and how much I have learned. I know if they could see me today that they would want to my friend again.


 

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Respect our Leaders

 In a few weeks, President-Elect Trump will take office as our next President. This has caused a lot of unrest on our nation and also the world. A lot of people are so scared. Certain groups such as immigrants and people in the LBGT community feel threatened. It is scary to see so much division here in what we call the United States of America. Are we really united? Are we really together? Are we so set in our ways that we divide our own nation into groups? We divide us into communities- LBGT, African American, White, and so on and so forth. We blamed Obama for this division, and now we focus our blame on Trump. The thing is, when we focus our blame on one person we lose the much bigger picture. The bigger picture is that each of us make the choices we make. We need to look deep inside ourselves and hold ourselves accountable for our own. If we really want things change in our nation, our world, we need to look inside ourselves. Nothing will change unless we look deep inside ourselves and be the part of the change. I am also saying that we have a responsibility as hard as it may seem to respect all our leaders including Trump. If we do not show respect for our leaders then nothing is going to change. We need to work together as one. Division will never get better if we do not respect those in authority. I believe in America. I truly believe that if everyone looks inside themselves then we can truly be united again. Let's break down the walls that divide us and move forward together. We depend on this and our children depend on this!


Welcome!

Hello! My name is Molly! I am 27 years old and 4'8. I like horses, traveling, dogs, camping, hiking and most of all being with my family. I am introverted which makes me a deep thinker. I also have multiple diagnoses including Turner Syndrome and a specific learning disability. This blog will not be about Turner Syndrome and will not discuss it in other post. It is not something I don't like to spend time dwelling about. I just want to live life and to have fun! I want to be known for that! I am Christian who was raised in a Christian home. My thoughts also revolve around that worldview but I will not be preaching. I just simply want to share with my thoughts and hope it blesses someone. Although, I am not going to be preach to you here, there is a Christian song that I want to close this post with. It describes me and all I've been though in a nutshell! I hope you enjoy this video!